he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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