Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you made out with another girl for some wings
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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