No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
