I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
