"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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