i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
