This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
