I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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