just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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