im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
