And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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