Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
