cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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