My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
