so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
