Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk is not a location!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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