the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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