first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
