By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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