yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
