I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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