All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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