found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
