Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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