she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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