Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
did you just send me my own nude
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
