He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
