Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
