i just google imaged poop.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
