i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
MIDGETS
????
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
