but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
