4 words: hood of his car
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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