I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
