That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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