how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
