dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
