I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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