Taylor Swift is so right about you.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
