i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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