broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
