Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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