i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
