Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize