Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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