Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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