my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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