perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
