my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
