Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Someone shattered a urinal.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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