my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
