there's paper in my vomit.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
