Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
