Swine flu. Run for my life!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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