Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
