called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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