As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
