he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
