I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
