Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
