The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My pussy is not your playground.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
