if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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