So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
