i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
