you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
