What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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