Umm I'm too high to move.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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