Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
