How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he fucked my hip out of place.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
