She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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